Fullmetal Romance
by Turles
Summary: Ed and Al return home for a little vacation time, but while there Ed meets a man who may help him find a way to express how he feels about Winry, but will the plan succeed? Love and laughs await on this comedic tale.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** We do not own the copyrights to Fullmetal Alchemist, Roxanne, or any other books, movies, and songs referenced in this fan fiction. All Copyrights belong to their respective owners.

**Fullmetal Romance**

**A Fan Fiction Comedy By**

**Turles**

**Chapter 1: Charlie Daniels**

****

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"Ah, it feels good to be back doesn't it?" Edward Elric asked his little brother Alphonse Elric as he stepped off the train at the station of their hometown, Resembool.

"Yes, it does." Al answered back as he towered over Ed in his suit of armor, "Shouldn't Winry be here to meet us?"

"Speak of the devil!" Ed smiled, "Here she comes!"

Just down the platform of the station was Winry who came running towards them with such a cheerful smile on her face that if she was in a dark room she would be the light of it.

"Welcome home, Ed and Al!" Winry greeted the brothers, "Are you two here to get repairs?"

When she asked that, she seemed to glow with greater radiance, because that was one of the greatest pleasures that she got out of life was mechanics, taking things apart, finding out how they worked, before she put them back together again. She had her hands clasped together hoping that Ed would say yes to her question so that she can work on his automail arm and leg.

"No, Winry." Ed answered, "We're here just to gather our thoughts together before we go back on our search again."

"Oh…" Winry answered back, her shoulders drooping slightly and her face looking sullen with disappointment.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm feeling a little hungry," Ed had announced.

Winry brought herself out of her disappointment to report something new to Ed, "There's a new place that was just opened here recently and it's pretty close to here."

"Let's go then," Ed smiled, "My stomachs growling!"

The three of them came to the new restaurant that had been built near the train station, probably because whoever built it knew that when travelers come in, they'll be pretty hungry. The owner was right about that since in just a few months, the business of the restaurant had boomed considerably with travelers as well as locals.

The place wasn't all that special from the outside as well as inside, just a bar, tables, and a few waiters with the bartender. Yet, what made the place special was the food, it was such that there were sneaking suspicions that the cook might slip something into the food, but then again it didn't matter since it still was so good.

Edward, Al, and Winry sat down at one of the tables near the window, Alphonse was looking down at the red and white checkered table cloth, Ed was looking out the window, possibly lost in thought about his search for the philosophers stone, while Winry wanted to break the ice.

"Ed, I should tell you that someone new has moved into our village," She suddenly brought up.

"Why mention that?" Ed asked wondering about the importance of it.

"He's a new teacher at the school, he teaches literature," Winry explained, then her expression grew to one of slight fear like she was afraid that he was nearby, "but…he's…he's kind of odd…"

"What'd you mean?" Ed asked cocking an eyebrow.

Winry's eyes then widened as she looked out the window and to the door of the restaurant, her slight fear growing to perpetual terror.

"Here he comes," She quietly whispered to Ed.

The Elric Brothers turned and looked to the door and in walked in a man dressed in a short sleeved white suit shirt for the warm summer weather outside and a pair of black slacks. He had a head of full white hair yet his face looked young with very few wrinkles that men get when their hair turns to that color. Yet, Edward and Alphonse Elric understood instantly what Winry meant by him being "odd", sitting upon his face, he had a nose that must have been as long as a human middle finger. Yet, the man walked into the restaurant with a slight bounce in his step, he was genuinely happy with the world around him, not knowing of the evils that the Elric brothers had faced on their own.

"Who is he?" Edward whispered as the man with the long nose walked up to the bar.

"His name is Charlie Daniels," Winry answered keeping her voice to a slight whisper, "But he likes to be called C.D. for short. Don't say anything about his nose, I heard two guys made fun of him for it and he beat them up using only a tennis racket."

"That guy?" Alphonse asked

The three of them watched the man named Charlie Daniels order his drink and sit down at one of the tables as a waiter brought out a menu for him. He sat there for a moment perusing the menu and looked as though he made his decision. Charlie had got up from his table and headed in the direction of the bathroom at the end of the bar, along the way, he bumped into a rather large muscular man. Charlie apologized as he continued on his way but the muscular man was looking for action.

"Hey, where you goin' big nose?" He asked in his gruff voice.

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks, while the commotion and conversation in the restaurant had come to a grinding halt. He turned around to face the muscular man, but instead of anger or rage on his face, it was more like curiosity that he had.

"Pardon me?" Charlie asked.

"You heard me, big nose!" The muscular man reiterated his joke as he laughed at him.

"Ha!" Charlie laughed, "I guess you got me there."

The muscular man had laughed in his victory.

"But what a wasted opportunity." Charlie shook his head at him.

"What?" The muscular man asked

Charlie stepped closer to him, tipping his head at him, "Well, you got someone in front of you with something like…._this…_" Charlie mentioned presenting his large nose to him, "And all you could think up was _big nose_."

"Think you can do better?"

"Yeah, I think I can do somethin' better!" Charlie smiled as he looked over at the other end of the bar to see a small dartboard setup, he went over to it and pulled the dart off of it and handed it to the muscular man who followed him to the dartboard to humor him, "here, whatever you hit on that board I'll think of that."

The muscular man took it and threw the dart at the board and it instantly hit the 20. Charlie tilted his head back seeing that whatever plan he thought of had misfired.

"Two out of three!" Charlie declared to the restaurant, "Two out of three!"

He pulled the dart off the board and brought it back to the muscular man who took it and flung the dart at the board and it hit the 20 once again, the restaurant was clapping for his accuracy while he reveled in his skill.

"Darts Champion, Central City 1910." The muscular man stated.

At the other end of the restaurant, the Elric brothers were watching this and Ed had to comment.

"That guys in way over his head."

"Okay," Charlie announced to the restaurant, "Twenty something betters!"

The restaurant clapped for him and cheered him on to see if he could actually pull it off. As they did, Charlie went to his table and picked up his drink and carefully took a sip of it so that his nose wouldn't dip into it.

"Alright, let's start with obvious," Charlie started as he came up to the muscular man, "Excuse me, is that your nose or did a train stop on your face?"

The restaurant laughed at this joke, even Ed and Al, as well as Winry.

"Meteorological!" Charlie continued, waving his hands around like a man making a warning to the town, "Everybody take cover! She's going to blow!"

Edward couldn't help but laugh again.

"Fashion." Charlie changed his stature to look very prissy, "You know you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger…say…a city…Personal: Well…here we are…just the three of us. Punctual! Alright Delbman! Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late!"

Even Alphonse had to laugh at that one.

"Envious. Oh, I wish I were you! Gosh! To be able to smell your own ear!" Charlie made the joke while the muscular man seemed to grow more surly with each joke that he made, "Naughty. Um…pardon me sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away? Philosophical! You know it's not the size of a nose that's important…it's what's _in it_ that matters. Humorous! Laugh and the world laughs with you…sneeze and it's good-bye Central!"

By that time, Edward was pounding his feet on the floor as he grabbed his stomach laughing at it.

"Commercial!" Charlie continued as he took another sip of his drink, "HI! I can paint that nose for 39.95! Polite: Um, would you mind not bobbing your head, the orchestra keeps changing tempo. Chorus: Everybody! _He's got the whole world…_"

"_…In his nose!_" The patrons of the restaurant had responded in the start of the joke as they all continued to laugh with each joke that he made.

"Sympathetic," Charlie continued as he leaned on the muscular man's shoulder, "Aw! What happened, did your parents loose a bet with God? Complementary; you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure…woah…I'd hate to see the grindstone."

The laughs were rather stifled in the restaurant, but Charlie turned to them and asked them, "Just think about this."

Given a little more thought, the did manage to get a small laugh out of that one.

"Inquiry," Charlie continued, "when you stop to smell the flowers…are they afraid? French: _Sire…the pigs have refused to find anymore truffles until you leave!_ Pornographic! Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once!"

The men laughed and the women were throwing out cat calls at that last joke, even Winry had to join in on it. Though Alphonse was scratching his metallic head wondering what the joke meant but continued to watch with intent.

"Religious!" Charlie continued, "The lord giveth! And he just kept on giving didn't he! Disgusting, say who mows your nose hairs?"

At that last one Al was making the count mentally and he then leaned over to Ed and Winry and whispered,

"He's over twenty" he reported.

"Yeah, but he's on a role now." Ed smiled waiting patiently for the next joke to come out.

"Paranoid!" Charlie stated, "_Keep that guy away from my cocaine!_ Aromatic, it must be _wonderful_ to wake in the morning and smell the coffee in Central. Appreciative, oh how original! Most people just have their teeth capped!"

The people in the restaurant were starting to applaud Charlie Daniels seeing that he had already broken through the twenty something-better barrier, but then Charlie turned to them and stated:

"Not yet!" He called out happily, "One more!"

He went back to the muscular-man who already looked perturbed as it was but Charlie wasn't finished with him. He looked at him dead square in the eye with a very smug look on his face knowing that he had already won.

"Dirty," Charlie stated as he made the last joke, "Your name wouldn't be _Dick_ would it?"

There was a roar of cheering, even from Edward, Al, and Winry's table in the small triumph that this man had made, while the muscular man's rage had exploded into a spattering of name calling.

"You smart-ass son-of-a-bitch!" He snarled at Charlie.

"You flat-faced, flat-nosed, flat-head." Charlie calmly insulted back at him.

"Hey!" The muscular man called

Charlie turned to see that he was trying to make a jab at him, but Charlie was too quick for him, he ducked, and when he came back up, he elbowed the muscular man in his gut and brought his fist up against his face. The blows were such that the muscular man was standing still for a slight moment; Charlie then walked over to Edward, Al, and Winry's table and asked:

"Has he fallen yet?"

Edward looked and saw the muscular man had fallen to his knees and then onto his back.

"He has now." Ed answered back.

With the applause coming from the entire restaurant, Charlie Daniels went back to his table with his drink and waited for his waiter to make get his order.

To be continued…


	2. The Arrangement

**Disclaimer:** We do not own the copyrights to Fullmetal Alchemist, Roxanne, or any other books, movies, and songs referenced in this fan fiction. All Copyrights belong to their respective owners.

**Fullmetal Romance**

**A Fan Fiction Comedy By**

**Turles**

**Chapter 2: The Arrangement**

****

Later that night, Edward Elric had knocked on the door of Charlie Daniels home. He decided that this man would be the key to helping him in his plans since he got back to his home town. He came alone to the house; he told his brother that he needed to do this part alone. As he waited, his heart was racing inside his stomach hoping for the door to open right away. At first during that long pause of waiting there was nothing, no answer. Anyone else would have just walked away and tried again later, but Edward was far too stubborn to give up that easily, especially for something like this. He reached up with his metal arm and knocked harder than before leaving a few small dents in the door. With those hard knocks, the door opened and outstepped Charlie Daniels who at first was looking left and right and then he looked down at Ed.

"Can I help you?" He asked

"Charlie Daniels?" Ed asked, "I'm Edward Elric, I've come to ask you for your help about something."

Charlie had tipped his head down a little further and raised his eyebrows at the young boy, "Come inside and we'll talk a little more."

Ed was allowed inside, and his eyes were greeted with bookshelves and bookcases everywhere. All along the walls were cases stacked with all kinds of books, but they never reached the ceiling, they only went halfway while the other half of the walls were decorated in framed pieces of artwork. Yet, Ed didn't loose his baring too quickly as he followed Charlie into his kitchen where he explained as he went to his cooking pots and pans on the elaborate stove,

"I didn't answer right away since I was just making a little dinner." Charlie said as he prepared a little further, "Had I known that company was coming, I would have made more. Please have a seat."

Ed found a small dinning room table near the kitchen, he stepped up and sat down while his nose caught the smoky scent of cooking meat as well as a very sweet scent. Even though Charlie said that he would have made more, but for the looks of what there was, it looked like Charlie was cooking for about three or four people. He sat down and watched Charlie dance around the kitchen moving from one space to the other as if he was performing some kind of tribal ritual. Never before had Edward Elric seen such pride or ritual that went into such a simple task as preparing a meal.

Charlie had then brought out two plates and began cutting and serving for himself as well as Edward, even though he never asked Ed if he wanted any, perhaps Charlie already knew that Ed was not the kind of person to turn down a hot dinner. He brought over the plates of food along with a glass of water for Ed and a small glass of wine for himself.

He sat down across from Ed and took a sip of wine and said in a calm voice, even though he may have exhausted himself from he meal tribal ritual in the kitchen, "What is it that I can do for you, Edward?"

Ed looked at the dish of food for a moment and wanted nothing more than to dig right in, but decided against his own character to get the issue at hand since it concerned someone very near and dear to him.

"I heard that you were a teacher of literature, right?"

"Guilty." Charlie smiled as he bowed his head with his glass of wine in his hand.

"Do you know anything about poetry or romance?"

Charlie tilted his head back in thought and answered, "Sure, why do you ask?"

"Well, you see there's this…girl…that…I know…" Ed found it hard to discuss something like it especially in front of someone that he only met a few seconds ago, even more so watched him make a man feel intellectually inferior in a restaurant. Still, this was part of his plan, he remembered earlier that day how when he got back to the Auto-Mail shop with Winry, she was fantasizing aloud about Charlie. She was saying that she wished that someone like him would come along with such intelligence and sweep her off her feet as well as gifts of auto-mail parts.

"Ah, I get it," Charlie nodded, "You need help in trying to get her attention to you, right?"

"Right, problem is, I'm not that great with words." Ed admitted in slight shame, "Which is why I'm here."

"Alright," Charlie smiled as he took a sip of his wine while being very careful not to dip his nose into it, "I'll help you out, but on one condition."  
Edward's heart flew with great hope that he was willing to meet any condition, "Anything."

"Just don't make fun of my nose," Charlie said sternly.

"Deal," Ed smiled, "I won't say anything about your nose if you don't say anything about my height."

"What about it?"

Ed was a little stunned by the answer since so many people have made comments about how short he was for his age. He scratched his head at this and then had to explain it to him.

"Well, I'm a little…" Ed paused since it was another hard thing to admit, "short for my age."

Charlie shrugged, "Well, you're still young, you may hit a growth spurt somewhere, but it's a deal, I won't say anything about it."

"Alright then," Edward smiled as he dug into the plate of food before him with his renewed ravenous appetite, he spoke to Charlie between each swallow of food, "How are we going to do this?"

Charlie was carefully savoring each mouthful of food he had but after another sip of wine he explained his idea to Ed, "Well, you mentioned your not that good with words," He began, "So, then that means speaking to her shouldn't be the first step, what we should do at first is try another medium."

"What'd you have in mind?" Ed asked as he shoved another piece of food into his mouth.

"Writer her a letter." Charlie answered.

Ed nearly choked on the food he swallowed before taking down some water, "I'm no good at writing letters either."

"Who said you had to write them?" Charlie asked with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Ah," Ed smiled connecting the dots in his head, "I see where you're going with this."

And it was with that, that Edward Elric the Fullmetal Alchemist finished the food that was in front of him, while Charlie Daniels disappeared from the kitchen and dinning room and brought back an old fashioned fountain pen and a ream of very elegant paper, sealing wax and stamps.

To be continued…


	3. The Letter

**Disclaimer:** We do not own the copyrights to Fullmetal Alchemist, Roxanne, or any other books, movies, and songs referenced in this fan fiction. All Copyrights belong to their respective owners.

**Fullmetal**** Romance**

**A Fan Fiction Comedy By**

**Turles******

**Chapter 3: The Letter**

****

The very next day at the Rockbell home, Winry Rockbell was outside at the mailbox pulling out the newest letters. She flipped one over the other as she walked back inside where her Aunt Pinako, as well as her friends Ed and Al Elric were, she passed over each letter seeing that they were simply bills as well as some "thank you" notes from those who had received auto-mail. Though, she came to the very last letter that seemed very unusual, it wasn't in the typical white envelope that the others were in. The letter seemed to be…a peach-like shade. Even the feel of the paper on the outside was unusual and the writing on the outside was elegantly written as if the movement of the hand belonged to that of an artist.

"Anything wrong, Winry?" Alphonse Elric asked noticing how Winry was staring at one of the envelopes.

"I'm not sure," Winry stated not looking up at Al, she looked at the address on it and saw that it was addressed to her, but there was no return address on it whatsoever, "Looks like this letter is for me."

"Aren't you going to open it?" Aunt Pinako asked of her niece.

"I think I should." Winry responded as she set the other letters aside, went to the nearby dinner table, sat down and turned the envelope over. She saw that there was a wax seal on the back of it, in red wax while it was stamped with one letter on it, the letter, "F". She slipped her finger in and opened the letter. She took out the little piece of paper inside, it was like the envelope itself, the paper seemed thicker, more refined than most that she's handled. The writing upon the letter was just like on the outside of the envelope, elegant and curved like brushstrokes of an artist's paintbrush. She looked at the first line and read to herself.

_To Winry,_

_ It has been difficult to find the greatest of words to tell this to you, but each time I set pen to paper, nothing seemed to do any sort of justice to you. Even thinking about you, each word I would write would seemed too clichéd, like your hair, how it is like spun gold that shimmers in the mid-afternoon sun. Then there are your eyes, someone might say that they're like twin sapphires, but for you they're more like the finest cobalt steel that could be refined in the entire world. A smile…such a smile that when it's directed at me, I feel as though I'm alive once again. I want to be the sky for you, even enveloping all your pains whenever I look up, I want to feel that I'm not alone even if I'm far away. _

_I've tried to set your name into many places, I've tried in the sky itself, but the wind blew it away, I tried in the sand but the waters washed it away, and so I'll write it here in my heart where it shall stay. I know that I shall see you again, and I will gladly loose my right arm so that you may repair both it and my heart as well. _

Winry could help but blush and giggle slightly to herself as she read the letter silently.

"What is it, Winry?" Al asked as he approached Winry from behind, "A secret admirer?"

"Hmmm," Aunt Pinako hummed to herself as she took a small puff from her pipe, "seems a little suspicious. What's it say, Winry?"

Winry read aloud the letter, giggling every so often between each sentence, though to those who were listening, especially Edward Elric who was sitting in a far corner of the room trying to contain himself from what he was hearing from the letter. Though to him he was wondering if Winry was laughing because of how she felt about the letter or because it was silly.

"Finally!" Winry exclaimed, "I have a secret admirer of my own! Maybe if I meet him he can help me buy all those automail parts that I can't get around here!"

Here eyes were glazed over dreamingly as she thought more about the endless possibilities of who the person was that sent the letter, and in the high hopes that he may be rich.

"Aren't you jumping to conclusions, Winry?" Al asked sounding rather concerned, "After all, you don't exactly know who this guy is, you're not even sure if you've met him. There's no return address and even the letter doesn't say who it's from."

"Don't be silly, Al!" Winry blew off the concern with her dreaming smile, "I know that I'll meet him one day."

"But that is a little odd," Pinako interjected, "That he ended it by saying that he'd gladly loose his right arm just so you could fix it. Sounds almost like stalking to me."

"That might give us a clue," Al added, "He said that he'd gladly loose his right arm just so you could fix it, so he must have been someone whose received automail recently. What'd you think, Ed?"

Ed didn't answer for a moment, he was glad that his back was turned to them so that they couldn't see the expression on his face when Al called for him. He was already thinking that his brother might have already figured it out before he could even make further plans.

"What's that Al?" Ed asked as he turned back to his brother, Winry, and Aunt Pinako

"This guy who wrote this letter," Al repeated, "Any thoughts on it."

"Ah, probably just some nut-job," Ed immediately blew off the whole thing.

"You really have no sense of romance do you, Ed!" Winry bellowed

"What does that have to do with it?" Ed bellowed back.

"Hey, calm down you two." Al tried to diffuse the situation, "There's no need to fly off the handle at each other. Still, at this point it seems best to wait and see if more letters arrive."

"You're right, Al." Winry nodded as she brushed her cheek against the letter, "In the meantime, I'm going to hold onto this…"

"Ah," Ed sighed rather angrily, "I'm gonna go for a walk."

As Ed left to go outside for his walk, Al was wondering to himself about the whole oddness of the situation.

"What's with Ed?" Winry asked.

"I'm not sure," Al answered, "I'll go ask."

Alphonse Elric was concerned to say the least about his reaction to Winry's letter on his brothers' behalf. Then again, it was the first time that he had made some kind of reaction to a situation like this, but Al had to remind himself that they were still young and that there wasn't enough time to really experience such things. Still, there were things in that letter that seemed to bug Al on several levels, the fact of how the writer of that letter seemed to describe Winry in ways as if that person knew her. Particularly with that line of instead of describing her eyes like sapphires, the writer used the finest cobalt steel as his simile. It was that, more than anything that made Al walk out the door of the Rockbell house and follow his brother.

His suspicions started to grow as he watched the back of his brothers red jacket and saw that he wasn't going for just a walk, it was as if he was definitely heading somewhere. He had to follow, but he wasn't about to get himself caught, no, he wanted to sneak, which was quite difficult because of his suit of armor body. He had to hide behind a couple of trees when he saw that Ed was turning back to see if anyone was following him.

After following him for a couple of miles, Alphonse saw that his brother was walking up to a small house at the outskirts of town that had several different trees, bushes, and flowers about it. He watched from a distance his brother knocking at the door of that house, and he saw the very man that had come up with those "twenty-something better nose jokes" a day or so ago. He watched Ed speak to him for a moment and the two of them went inside.

Al's felt himself grow excited as he came down the hill to the house. Knowing that he didn't want to be discovered, he crouched down and inched himself to one of the nearby windows that had some potted plants set upon it. He set his head next to the wall and tried to listen to the conversation going on inside.

"She didn't expect a thing!" Ed's voice said with great joy.

"But does she have an idea of who it could be?" The voice of that man named Charlie Daniels had asked.

"Well, they were thinking that it could be someone that's met her, but nobody suspects that it was us. So what's the next step to the plan?"

"We just keep writing a couple of letters."

"So it was Ed and Charlie?" Ed asked quietly, and he was about to stand up but he suddenly heard a loud bang and then he looked down to his great horror to find that he knocked over one of the potted plants on the window sill.

The door opened immediately and Ed's voice boomed out, "Whose there?"

"It's just me, brother." Al called out in a surrendering voice.

"Al," Ed called to his brother, "What're you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same thing, brother." Al responded a twinge of smiling sarcasm in his voice, "So it was you who wrote the letter to Winry wasn't it?"  
Ed blushed slightly and said as he looked down at his shoes, "Not exactly."

"He's right," Charlie Daniels came out of the house, "I was helping him."

"You?" Al asked, "But why?"

"I think we should go inside and explain this better."

IN silent agreement, the Elric brothers followed Charlie Daniels into his house where he was just sitting down to a little lunch as he graded a few school papers.

"You see, Alphonse," Charlie stated as he marked a small red check mark on one of the papers, "Your brother came to me and wanted to confess how he feels to this woman he knows, Winry Rockbell, but as you know he doesn't exactly have a great way with words, which is where I come in."

"So that's how it is," Al responded, "But why didn't you tell me Ed?"

"I thought it was a silly thing to admit to, Al," Ed continued to blush; "Besides if you knew, Winry would probably not stop asking you until you told her."

"That's the other thing." Charlie stated as he reached up to scratch his nose, ignoring the fact that Al was slightly staring at it, "Two people can keep a secret, but three is a little difficult. I think we may have to take this to a new level."

"What'd you have in mind?" Al asked.

To be continued…


End file.
